A Marine colonel, on his way home from work at the Pentagon, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."

He noticed a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold up?"

The officer replied, "The President is just so depressed about the thought of moving with Hillary to New York that he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the money to pay for the new house. We're taking up a collection for him."

"Oh really? How much do you have so far?"

"About three hundred gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."