|Musical Terms Defined|
accidentals: wrong notes.
agnus dei: a famous female church composer.
allegro: leg fertilizer.
altos: not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes".
arpeggio: "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"
audition: the act of putting oneself under extreme duress to satisfy the sadistic intentions of someone who has already made up his mind.
augmented fifth: a 36-ounce bottle.
bach chorale: the place behind the barn where you keep the horses.
bass clef: where you wind up if you do fall off.
clausula: Mrs. Santa Claus.
clef: something to jump from before the viola solo. also: what you try never to fall off of.
coloratura soprano: a singer who has great trouble finding the proper note, but who has a wild time hunting for it.
diatonic: low-calorie Schweppes.
diminished fifth: an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
major scale: what you say after chasing wild game up a mountain: "Damn! That was a major scale!"
intonation: singing through one's nose. Considered highly desirable in the Middle Ages.
isorhythmic motet: when half of the ensemble got a different edition from the other half.
metronome: a city-dwelling dwarf.
minnesinger: a boy soprano.
musica ficta: when you lose your place and have to bluff until you find it again.
perfect fifth: a full bottle of Jack Daniels.
perfect pitch: the smooth coating on a freshly paved road.
pianissimo: "refill this beer bottle".
preparatory beat: a threat made to singers, i.e., sing, or else....
ritard: there's one in every family.
sancta: Clausula's husband.
tenor: two hours before a nooner.
transsectional: an alto who moves to the soprano section.
treble: what women ain't nothin' but.
vibrato: used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
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