1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the
4. The Washington Times is read by people who believe God wants them to
run the country, would like to make enough money to understand The Wall
Street Journal, and are comforted every morning knowing those who read the
New York Times are no longer running the country.
5. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but
don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their
smog statistics shown in pie charts.
6. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the
country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave
L.A. to do it.
7. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country
and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
8. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's
running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on
9. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the
country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is
a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all
that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are
handicapped minority lesbian feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be
illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats.
11. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but
need the baseball scores.
12. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery